THE CURE THEY'RE BACK!!! And Robert Smith isn't getting any saner...

Robert Smith shuffles into his record company office wearing the biggest pair of trainers you ever did see. It is, you will remember, one of his life-long "trade" marks. The Cure, you see, are back with their spooky new single, Lullaby, and it's almost as if time has stood still!

Robert's hair is a towering haystack of Gothic hugeness once more and he still sports last might's make-up which has settled into crusty pink blobs in the corner of his mouth. So! Robert - or may we call you Mad Bob! - where have The Cure been?

Robert Smith rolls his eyeballs skywards. "Mad Bob!" he mumbles into his jumper, which looks as if it could do with a quick once-over with the Remington Fuzzaway. "Oh dear, have Smash Hits come along with all their preconceptions about me then?! Heh heh!"

Perish the very thought, "Bob".

"Well, basically, The Cure haven't had a single out for a long time because we'd released enough off the last album (ie. Kiss Me Kiss Me Kiss Me) and we didn't have any more songs so we had to write some new ones."

Fair enough. And what did you do whilst you were having this "rest"?

"Em, well, first of all the band went all over the place touring - I can't give you the dates and things because I'm not very good at that sort of thing. Then I went to Ireland for a holiday. It was my first break from the group for six years - although being in the Cure is like being on holiday; I needed to get right away from being me. (?) Me and Mary just stayed in this little house by the sea and it was really good."

Ah, yes, Mary. She, for those who don't know, is Robert Smith's wife with whom he tied the proverbial knot only last year, despite the fact that they had been courting for about a century.

"Um...we got married for two reasons really. First, so that all our friends and families could have a get-together - and it was a god-like party - and also because, um, well, it just seemed right somehow...it's not really a reason...just a feeling. Well, I mean, I asked Mary to marry me years ago but she only remembered to say 'yes' last year!"

Hmn. One thing to remember when conversing with Robert Smith is that he's prone to telling lots of fibs.

"My wedding was really normal," he lies. "No - it was."

"Really normal" in Bob Smith terminology means getting hitched in your trainers, partying wildly for several days non-stop and having the local so-called "news"papers calling your ceremony a Satanic Black Mass! Perhaps marriage has made Robert into a tamer sort these days?

"No, it's no different. I mean, I was always domesticated. I love cooking. I'm a brilliant cook. I can't help thinking about weird things when I cook, then I suddenly realise I've poured 16 squillion pints too much milk into something! But I hate cooking for lots of people because it seems really pointless - just cooking it all and then someone sits and eats it." (??!)

Em, have you any idea why it is that people call you "Mad Bob"?

"I'm not really mad. I like doing stupid things and I just do them at the wrong time - when someone's there to see it! Heh! Like climbing onto the roofs of moving cars (?) or betting I can climb around the outside of a hotel by jumping from balcony to balcony - usually under the influence of drink."

It's a wonder that Robert Smith has lived long enough to become the mega star he is today.

"I'm not a mega star!" he huffs defiantly.

Ah, but you are.